


Guns for Hands

by The_Last_Sleepless_City



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Mental Health Issues, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-22 10:13:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7432179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Last_Sleepless_City/pseuds/The_Last_Sleepless_City
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh Dun had always been there to comfort Tyler in his time of need. But when Tyler begins to doubt if his best friend really exists, his whole world falls down, and he feels like he can't trust anyone, especially himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Doubt

Tyler strummed the last chord and hummed along in harmony. Josh beamed at his best friend and erupted into applause, causing a blush from Tyler. The two were sitting on the floor, legs crossed, in the old treehouse that was in the forest behind their neighborhood. Tyler gave an embarrassed laugh and set his ukulele down beside him.  
“As always, amazing job,” Josh complimented. Whenever Tyler was having a bad day, Josh would ask his friend to sing for him. It calmed Tyler down and never seized to put the both of them in a good mood.  
“Enough about me,” Tyler said, uncomfortable with the attention being on him. “What’s new with you?”  
Josh sighed and leaned back against the treehouse wall, running his hand through his bright purple hair. Tyler loved Josh’s purple hair. Purple was passionate and happy. “I finally got that new drum set I wanted.”  
Tyler’s eyes widened. “You’re parents got it for you?”  
Josh rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Yeah, like they’d do that. I haven’t gone home since the last fight. It’s not like they want me there anyway. I bought it myself. Paid the guy extra to keep it in the music shop’s back room. Now I just go there when I want to play.”  
“You could always stay at my house for a while. My mom says she’s okay with it.”  
Josh looked at his friend sadly. “You and I both know I couldn’t do that to your family.”  
Tyler opened his mouth to argue when he heard his mom calling his name. He exhaled deeply. “If I don’t go, I’ll be late for dinner. Sorry, I can’t stay…. See you tomorrow?”  
“Yeah, sounds good.”  
Tyler began to climb down the ladder but stopped when he saw Josh not make an effort to leave after him. It seemed Josh wasn’t going home tonight either. “Will you at least stay for dinner?” Tyler asked hopefully.  
For a split second, Josh looked like he considered the offer. He must be hungry, Tyler thought. It’s been weeks since his last real meal. But despite Josh’s conflicted face, he denied once again. Tyler waved goodbye to his friend, feeling guilty that Josh wasn’t getting a full meal, and climbed down the ladder.

“How’s Josh doing?” Tyler’s mom asked over dinner. She knew that Josh was the only topic her son would get excited about, or even talk about in general.  
“Good. He got a new drum set that he wanted,” Tyler said as he pushed the chicken around his plate. He didn’t feel like eating knowing that Josh was living on bags of chips and energy bars.  
“I don’t trust that boy,” Tyler’s dad stated bluntly without looking up from his magazine. His mom shot a cold stare and Tyler looked down at his plate.  
“You haven’t even met him!” Tyler’s mom said, trying to defend her son’s only friend.  
“Exactly! You haven’t either. How do you know he’s safe, or that he’s even real? With Tyler’s ‘condition’ we can never tell.”  
Tyler’s head shot up. “My what?”  
“Nothing,” His mother and father said in unison. Dinner didn’t last much longer after that. It passed by in awkward silence.  
After everyone else had fallen asleep that night, Tyler snuck out of his room. He quietly ran to the tree house and climbed up. It was hard to see through the darkness, but the unmistakable shadow of a person was breathing softly, asleep. Tyler shook Josh awake.  
“What… Why are you here?” Josh asked, sitting up while he yawned and stretched.  
Tyler tossed his friend an apple and slide down the wall to sit across from him. Even through the darkness, Josh’s reflexes were good enough to catch it. He quickly took a bite.  
The two sat in silence for a few minutes before Josh spoke. “What’s wrong? Something must be wrong.”  
“Why don’t you just go home? Surely bad parents are better than none.”  
They couldn’t see each other in the darkness, but Tyler could feel Josh’s eyes on him. “I wouldn’t be so sure,” the purple haired boy replied.  
“Can I ask you something else?” Tyler said hesitantly.  
“Yeah, of course.”  
“Why don’t you ever come to my house? My parents want to meet you,” said Tyler.  
“One day, I will,” Josh replied. “I just don’t think they’ll like me very much.”  
“Please… just come over and say hi. It will only take five minutes.” Tyler argued.  
“Why does it matter, it’s not like-“Josh stopped midsentence. “Your parents want to know if you’re lying about me.”  
Tyler remained silent. Josh turned his head to his friend. “No,” he said. “You want to know if I’m real. You want your parents to confirm it by seeing me themselves.”  
“It’s not like that,” Tyler said.  
"Then what is it like?" Tyler sighed. "I just... I've always had trouble with this kind of thing, ya know? I had imaginary friends when I was a kid, but I guess I always took it to the next level. They just seemed so real. I know you're real, Joshie. My parents just have their doubts." Josh stood up. “Doubt is a dangerous thing.”  
“I just… Don’t trust myself either, okay? I trust you, but not me.” Tyler felt hot tears in his eyes and he tried to hold them back. Luckily, it was so dark they could barely see a thing. Despite this, Josh heard how upset his best friend was and he immediately softened his voice.  
“How about you sing something?” Josh suggested, finishing the apple he was given.  
“But… I don’t have my ukulele," Tyler said with a sniffle.  
“That’s okay. It’ll be a special concert just for me. Acapella.” Josh said, sitting back down next to his friend. He felt Tyler nod in agreement and begin to sing, the atmosphere immediately becoming less tense.  
Tyler sang and sang until Josh fell asleep next to him.

Tyler was in his room playing his piano when he heard a soft knock at the door. His mom entered the room and smiled, looking more stressed than usual. Tyler was good at reading people’s emotion. And from the looks of it, there was some bad news.  
His mom sat on the edge of the bed. “Hi sweetie, can we talk?” Tyler swung his legs over the piano seat to face her.  
“This isn’t easy for me to say, and I don’t want you to be mad okay?” His mom said.  
Tyler, immediately worried, nodded his head slowly.  
“You’ve been best friends with Josh for a while now. And your father and I talked. We want you two to take… some time off. It’ll be healthy.”  
“Why?”  
“That’s the tricky part,” His mom said quietly. “You see, we’ve never seen Josh, so it’s hard to know what he’s like. And you see him so much in that old treehouse. It’s just that I’ve never seen anyone else your age around here. We want you to be happy and healthy, that’s all.”  
“You think I’m lying about my best friend?” Tyler said, raising his voice. He as beginning to feel fear claw away inside of him.  
“No no no, honey not at all. We believe you that you’re friends. We just aren’t sure if someone’s there with you or not. We signed you up for a therapist and let’s just see if there's any change.”  
Tyler suddenly had trouble breathing. His parents thought he was crazy. “I don’t need a therapist.” He said defensively. The fear thar trickled through him was slowing. And anger began to spread through his blood. Almost like he could feel it seep through each part of his body.  
“It’s no big deal really, lots of people see one,” His mom tried to comfort. Somehow, it didn’t make him feel better. “It just lets you talk to someone about your feelings and gives you someone to trust.”  
“I trust Josh. And I’m not crazy,” Tyler yelled as he started to back out of the room, hands shaking with anger. As soon as he was out, he took off in a sprint. His mom called after him as he ran to the treehouse. He knew she wouldn’t follow him here. He was furious. The rage was controlling him. It was red and it burned when Tyler tried to control it. He didn't like not controlling things.  
He entered the treehouse and saw Josh throwing a baseball up and catching it. He sat down next to him and tears began streaming down his face. He breathed heavily and tried to calm down. But he kept thinking about how nobody trusted him, not even his mom. Josh sat up. “What happened?” he asked.  
Tyler looked over to respond and his breath stopped. Josh’s hair was fiery red instead of purple.  
“Your hair…” Tyler said.  
“What about it?”  
“It’s red, red is pretty. I like red,” Tyler mumbled to himself. “But red is an angry color…” He whispered, delirious.  
Josh knew better than to ask Josh what was wrong at a time like this. “Hey, maybe you could sing? I brought my drumsticks! I can hit them on the wood.” Tyler nodded his head and tried to catch his breath again.  
It would only be later that Tyler would lie awake at night for hours, wondering and nit-picking the tiniest details about Josh, doubting everything he sees. How did Josh know Tyler would be upset enough to want to sing? He brought his drumsticks with that purpose. Josh had to leave the treehouse sometimes. Why is it whenever Tyler needs him, Josh is always there and never getting something to eat or down at the music store?  
But, for now, Tyler passionately sang along as Josh drummed a random beat along.  
I’ll stay awake, Tyler sang, his voice echoing in the small treehouse, cause the dark’s not taking prisoners tonight. 

“So, tell me about Josh,” Steven, Tyler’s therapist asked again.  
“I already told you. He’s nice and plays the drums.”  
“Yeah, but there must be more than that,” Steven said, prying at Tyler. Tyler squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as they would go and opened them a few seconds later. His therapist was trying to get into his mind. He couldn't let that happen.  
“Um, Josh has a nose ring,” Tyler suggested, playing along..  
“Great!” Steven said as if his patient has just solved a math problem and not told him a simple detail. “What else?”  
Tyler tried to stay distant, he really did. But when he talks about his best friend, he gets lost sometimes. He talked about Josh’s gauges, and how they’re so small that they look like normal piercings. He talked about how Josh was short but acted taller than he was. Steven laughed at that. Tyler talked about how they play music together and how Josh bought his new drum set, but he leaves it at the music shop.  
Steven looked careful notes. Tyler could tell he was commenting on how enthusiastic Tyler was when he talked about his best friend. But there was nothing he could do, he was proud of Josh.  
Tyler kept rambling about Josh until Steven stopped him because they had gone 15 minutes over his appointment time. Tyler, suddenly embarrassed, left quickly after that.  
Climbing the tree house ladder once he got home, Tyler noticed how exposed he felt. He had never told someone everything like that before. He felt childish, but in a way, ordinary. He ducked his head when he entered the tree house and saw Josh, whose hair was a now a natural brown.  
“How was your appointment?” Josh asked. Tyler had told him where he was going the day before.  
“Good, actually.”  
“That’s great! What did you guys talk about?” Josh asks, looking actually interested.  
“Mostly you. And a few other things.” Tyler said, lying. They only talked about Josh.  
“No one’s tried to convince you I’m a mirage or anything yet, have they?” Josh joked. Tyler laughed dryly but felt a twisting in his gut.  
“No, nothing like that. Yet. I’ll just have to convince them you’re real, right?” Tyler asked, looking for reassurance.  
“Right," Josh said distantly


	2. Forest

“We’re recommending a new prescription for Tyler,” Steven said as he signed the sheet and handed it to Tyler’s mom.  
“What now?” His mom asked.  
“This one is a seizure medication, but had been shown to help patients with delusions.”  
“Seizures? He doesn’t have seizures. Just be honest, you have no idea what’s wrong with him,” Tyler’s mom said.  
The therapist sighed. “Tyler… is a peculiar case. He imagines Josh in a way that’s so detailed and real, that it’s not technically hallucinations or anything of the sort. But, we know Josh isn’t real because you’ve said you’ve never seen him after several years of them talking. Also, Josh only shows up in one place- the treehouse- which is common for patients who imagine things. They never meet anywhere else.”  
Tyler, who was sitting outside the office, waiting for his mom and the therapist to finish talking inside. He considered telling them they should really get soundproof doors. Every day, he doubted himself even more. He brought himself back to reality by digging his fingernails into his palms and thighs. The pain made him remember that everything was real, no matter what the doctors say.  
His mom exited the office. “Ready to go?” she asked and Tyler nodded, gathering his things.  
The minute Tyler entered his house, he went to his room and lied on the bed. He felt a wave of sad and just… depression after overhearing the conversation at the office. Everyone just wanted to prove him wrong. But why did they think that they knew what was best for Tyler?  
After an hour, or rolling around in the sheets and moping about, Tyler gathered enough energy to sit up and move to his piano. He decided that he’ll write a song. That always makes him feel better. The music distracted him for a bit, but around half way through the song he gave up and slammed the piano keys. This would be so much easier with Josh.  
Tyler grabs his ukulele and what he wrote so far and walks to the treehouse. On the way, he has time to think. Quiet was never kind to Tyler. His mind wandered and by the time he was climbing the tree house ladder, his thoughts were suffocating him again. Like he was under water and the sorrow was flowing calmly on top of him. He tried to shake the thoughts from his mind and entered the treehouse.  
Josh greeted his friend when he entered. Tyler admired Josh’s hair, now blue. But it wasn’t an electric, powerful blue that fills you with confidence. It was a deep, navy blue. It reminded Tyler of an ocean, but more gloomy, like rain. Tyler didn' want to admit it, but he secretely didn't like this color on Josh. It didn't fit Josh's happy, sarcastic personality. Tyler thought the purple hair fit him the best.  
“Wanna help me on a new song?” Tyler asked.  
Josh sat up and smiled. immediately interested. “You know I’d love to. Play what you have so far.”  
Tyler cleared his throat and began strumming. It sounded different on the ukulele, happier than when he played on the piano. That wasn't what he was going for when he wrote it and instantly became disappointed.  
“I was thinking the chorus could go something like: Down in the forest, we’ll sing a chorus, one that da-da da-da da-da-da. Hands held higher, we’ll be on fire, singing songs that da-da-da da-da-da” Tyler sang, not quite sure of some lyrics so he filled them in with nonsense. “What do you think?”  
Josh smiled. “Catchy!” He said. “What if for the first part you filled it in with ‘one that everybody knows.’”  
Tyler nodded and wrote it down. “Okay, what about the next part?”  
Josh thought for a moment. “Maybe you could say ‘singing songs that nobody wrote?”’  
Tyler giggled. “That doesn’t even make sense!”  
Josh defended himself and insisted that it worked out, and Tyler eventually agreed. He trusted Josh’s word more than his own.  
“I was thinking of adding a rap part,” Tyler suggested.  
“Sounds good. How will it go?”  
“I’m not sure yet. I’ll let you know,” Tyler said with a smile. This was when he was truly happy: Writing and performing songs with his best friend. There was no place he’d rather be than here.  
A week later, Tyler’s mom asked him if the new prescription was working. Tyler must have taken too long to respond trying to decide whether to lie or not because his mom sighed and left the room to call the therapist again.  
Tyler felt sick. He hated that he couldn’t tell the truth, that if he told people about Josh they’d think he was crazy. He can’t even talk to his mother without feeling guilty. Maybe he was doing this to himself. If they can go around and accuse Josh of being fake, he can doubt if other people are real too, right?  
Feeling particularly self-destructive, Tyler headed to the treehouse. He was disgusted from earlier and got lost in his thoughts. How could he seriously doubt if his family was real? What kind of sick person did that? He pondered it and it slowly made more and more sense. Why couldn't everything be in his imagination? It's not a bad thing. He almost envied everyone else who didn't have to go through this.   
Today, Josh’s hair was a bright shade of green. When Tyler entered the treehouse, Josh slide over to make room.  
After some quick small talk, Tyler just came out and said what he was thinking. “Josh are you real?” Tyler asked without a hint of embarrassment in his voice.  
Josh was taken aback. “Yes, of course I’m real. Why are you being so blunt today?”  
Tyler stared at nothing in particular. “I mean, if nothing else is real. Then there aren’t exactly consequences for my actions. I can do whatever I want and it doesn’t matter”  
Josh looked incredibly sad, even though he tried to hide it. “So, they finally broke you huh? Convinced you that you’re crazy.”  
Tyler was sickened by that comment. “They didn’t convince me of anything! I just learned that most, if not all things, I see aren’t real. And you know what? I’m okay with it. It makes sense to me.”  
Josh stood up and began raising his voice. “No, that’s not true! Everything you see here is real, I am, and you are, everything. Why can’t you see that?”  
“Josh, I tried believing you were real, but I was living in a fantasy. I'm not a child anymore. But it’s okay, you are still my best friend.”  
Josh clenched his jaw and resisted the urge to shove Tyler for being this naïve.  
“You’re seriously upset that I told you the truth?” Tyler yelled. “Of course you’re fake. You are only here when I need you. You are exactly what I need when I need it. I mean, you’re hair changes color based on my mood, for god’s sake! When I’m angry it’s red, when I’m sad it’s blue. My mind is sick, Joshie. And I won’t apologize for imagining you to help me get through it. “  
Josh began to cry and refused to look Tyler in the eye.  
Tyler continued. “The only thing I will apologize for is imagining you in such a terrible condition. I’m sorry I didn’t give you good parents or anything like that.”  
Josh remained quiet for a bit, then wiped the tears away. “Do you want to play our new song? You’ve probably been working on it. I was thinking we could call it ‘Forest.’”  
Tyler felt a weight leave his shoulders, Josh basically admitted to not being real. “Yes, and I think I’m almost done. I just need to finish the rap part.”  
Tyler Joseph went through the next several months in a blissful daze. He knew he couldn’t get in trouble or get hurt because nothing was real. He felt happier, lighter.  
On one particular Sunday morning, his mom was lecturing him about something or other.  
“You can’t just give up like this! I know you don’t think anything is real, but you’re wrong. Please, can’t you just see that?!” His mom yelled at him, with tears streaming down her face.  
“You were the one convincing me of this, and now I finally see,” Tyler said. “You don’t believe me. No one believes me. I won’t hurt myself or anyone because I’m imagining everything. You should be happy for me.”  
The argument went on, but Tyler zoned out. Several houra later, once he was alone, he snuck out to meet Josh.  
Tyler sat next to his best friend in the treehouse. Josh’s hair had been blonde for the past few months. Bleached and stripped of all color.  
“Hey Josh?”  
“Yeah?”  
“If you had an object as part of you, what would it be?”  
Josh looked at Tyler, confused. “For what part of my body?”  
Tyler thought for a minute. “I don’t know… your hands I guess?”  
“I’m not sure. Do you know?”  
Tyler nodded. “I’d have guns.”  
Josh tilted his head in confusion and started to laugh. “You mean you’d walk around like Edward Scissorhands but with guns? This is the weirdest question I’ve ever been asked.”  
“It’s not that literal. Guns are deadly and can hurt other people and yourself. I think I’d have guns.” Tyler said.  
“Are you saying you can hurt other people and yourself easily? Because if so, that’s really concerning.”  
“No, I’m saying I wish I could. I can’t die and either can anyone else,” Tyler said.  
“Tyler, that’s not true.”  
“No one believes me! Why does no one believe me? I’m telling you that since this isn’t real, nothing real can happen. Why doesn’t that make sense?”  
Josh remained silent.  
“I’ll prove it to you and everyone else!” Tyler screamed, standing up and pulling a lighter out of his pocket.  
“What the hell are you doing?” Josh yelled as Tyler flicked the lighter. He held it close to the wooden treehouse. The treehouse was so old that it would easily burn if lit.  
“How do you feel?” Tyler asked calmly, as Josh backed away from Tyler.  
“How do I feel? I’m terrified. Put the lighter away!” Josh said, his hands shaking.  
“Terrified of me? Or of what’s about to happen?”  
“I don’t know! Put it away!”  
Tyler stared at the flame mesmerized. “You know,” he said. “Even though we’ll be alright because it’s all in my head, it doesn’t matter, does it? There’s always gonna be another Tyler Joseph. So what’s the big deal?” Tyler held the lighter even closer to the wood.  
“Tyler! Please… You’re all that I have. No one else even cares the smallest bit about me. But you make me feel like I matter. Please, Ty, don’t take that away from me.” Josh whimpered, tears strolling down his face and his voice breaking.  
Tyler laughed. “Don’t you see I’m helping us? It will prove to everybody that I’m not crazy and we can always be friends.” Tyler held the lighter to the wood. "You know," he continued, "I think I have the song finished. That last line that we couldn't figure out. 'Our treehouse-' wait no, 'my treehouse is on fire and for some reason I smell gas on my hands.' What do you think? nevermind. I like it so I know you'll like it too." Tyler gently held the flame to the wood.  
“Don’t!-“Josh screamed as the wood ignited. The fire spread quickly, too quickly. Josh lunged to Tyler, but not in time. The last thing Tyler saw was his best friend sobbing, was Josh begging and praying that the only person he had left wouldn't leave him too. But it was too late. The guns on Tyler’s hands had already been shot.


	3. Friend, Please

The funeral wasn’t big. After all, who wanted to come to a crazy suicidal teenager’s funeral? Tyler’s mom wanted to keep it simple anyway.  
The service was short. After it ended, she waited for all the dreaded apologized and casseroles that were bound to flood her. But she survived through it. She smiled sadly when people said something nice and said she was okay when she was asked, even though she wasn’t. How could she be?  
But it doesn’t matter because that’s what she was supposed to do. The funeral was made up of family and close friends, but there was a boy there she didn’t recognize.  
A boy with gauges so small they looked like normal earrings. A boy who was short but pretended to be taller than he was. A boy with a nose ring. A boy who didn’t have any nice black clothes to wear so he wore a wrinkled button down with a drumming logo.  
When it was over, she noticed was how this boy’s hair was dyed as dark as it could be. This boy was so pale and his hair was so black, that the combination looked strange on him. Tyler had always said his hair was colorful.  
Tyler’s mother gave a whimper and tried to collect herself. She lifted her chin and walked across the room to her dead son’s best friend who was standing awkwardly in the corner, hands in his pockets. She hated herself for not believing he was real. Stupid, stupid, stupid. "What's on your arm?" She asked, trying to make polite conversation. Tyler's mom knew the question seemed out of place, but she needed an excuse to talk to the boy. Josh looked up, slightly confused, and she realized he was the only one here who might have been crying more than her. He smiled sadly and sniffled in an attempt to compose himself. He lifted his right arm and pulled his sleeve up a bit more to expose the rest of his tattoo sleeve. It was obviously new- the small amount of exposed that was left skin was still pink. The tattoo was a beautiful tree that snaked up his forearm, identical to the one that Tyler had killed himself in. But the treehouse wasn't on his arm, just the tree. "For Tyler" He said.


End file.
